"aint no three sheeters in here, but its a couple twos" - forty.
Man you ever walking around Wal-Mart or Target and just randomly see a baaaaaaaad (meaning good for my non-blacks) female come into your presence. A mans first impression is to analyze quickly and in a timely manner, because in times like this, time is of the essence. So some men look at womans bodies first and some look at faces. But in my journeys, I like to look at the overall girl and examine her aura. Yes-aura! Like Dave Chappelle sketch comedy, when Charlie Murphy met Rick James for the first time. Some girls actually have that aura and they come in different colors and scents. According to the color, its a good chance what type of female they are. For instance, if you see a deep purple glow around a female that are usually a sexual deviant and give off extreme sexual tension when you come to chill with them. Now in my short life I have only seen three colors. Purple, which I already explained, green and yellow. Green aura usually means the girl is high maintenance and only sees green in her future and only wants it. I stay away from green no matter how sweet the fruit looks. Now as far as yellow goes, these girls usually are sweet and adorable. I like to meet these types but usually just end up being friends. Now as far as auras go, you can only determine it when you first meet them (so don't come up to me asking me what aura you are!).
Another system I created was the knife and fork chicks. No they are not the best looking women who can cook and they are not the chicks who will stab you for doing something wrong. They are the type of women who look delicious, literally so you can eat them with a knife and fork ( and if they too juicy you got to pull out your spoon!) Now knife and fork chicks can range from 8s to straight dimes. To be a knife and fork chick you got to have three things. A seductive frame, mean shoe game and the walk of an angel. All three compliment each other, so its necessary to have all three. The good thing about a knife and fork chick is that you don't HAVE to be the best looking out the bunch, nor the classiest, but in some mens eyes they would eat you like a steak dinner.
The last system was inspired by a Bounty commercial. In the commercial, a father and son spill something on the floor. Before cleaning it, they analyze if they want to use three or four sheets to clean it up. Mom quickly comes in and cleans it with one. My system is a little different from theres because the more the better. When seeing some females you just want to "take care" of them all night long and that would demand three sheets. And if she a good,typical fuck that would require two sheets and one sheeter is needed if you just want to test the waters with a female. The legendary four sheeter should only be used if you are ready to get the girl preggo ASAP. I try not to jinx myself, so I don't even let those words come out my mouth. Well with that in mind, fellas and ladies jus don't make the screwface when I say some wild shit.
i-n.
"I wouldn't be mad if he (Chris Paul) won the MVP" - tone.
This years playoffs have been boring and entertaining at the same time. Kobe Bryants Lakers are top dogs again, teams like the Pistons and Celtics seem ready for a championship run and the damn two face commercials just keep popping up. But this post isn't about the playoffs, its about the emerging superstars who are coming to the forefront on a national stage to show why the NBA will be safe again for another ten years. The world already knows about LeBron James, I am a witness and so are you. But for the average joe blow newcomers are showing themselves to the world on the grandest stage. First, there is Chris Paul. The 23 year old NC native from Wake Forest who is on the brink of leading his New Orleans Hornets to the Conference Finals. Paul does it with supreme passion and poise. When I see Paul play I think of a mix between Isiah Thomas and John Stockton. He has the scoring ability and tenacity of Zeke but the general like command on the floor like Stockton. Paul finished second in MVP voting to the Darth Kobe, but Paul's time will come soon enough. Another bright star who's playoff dreams ended a few hours ago is Dwight Howard. Now the world caught a glimpse of his showmanship as he took home the Slam Dunk Title but still the average joe doesn't know about him. Living under Patrick Ewing's wing, Howard has blossomed ever since entering the league straight from high school. After dominating 20-20 performances in the first round, Howard's Magic will would shortly fizzle out as the Pistons took them down. The great thing about Howard is that he is so young (22) and so good already. With moves as quick as Olajuwon and already being named as the most athletic center ever, Howard must now show and prove. The knock on his game as of late has been his inability to have the killer instinct. You know the thing you know the thing you see in Kobe's eyes when its crunch time or when the team is in need of a basket. Well, Howard has yet to develop that. I believe with hard work and a more competitve edge, Howard could average 30-15-5 if he wanted to, but time will tell. With these two at the forefront and Durant and Oden just getting out of there shell, the NBA should be safe. Lets not forget about Rose and Beasley coming to the land of Men next season either.
Complete list..
G - Chris Paul - New Orleans - 23
C - Dwight Howard - Orlando - 22
G/F - Kevin Durant - Seattle - 20
C - Greg Oden - Portland - 20
G - Deron Williams - Utah - 23
G - Monta Ellis - Golden State - 23
G/F - Rudy Gay - Memphis - 22
G - Derrick Rose - Univ. of Memphis -19
F - Michael Beasley - Kansas St Univ. - 19
i-n.
"you like this shit?" -lovetrain.
After black quarterbacks, the most scrutinized and talked about subject in the barbershop would have to be the evolution of the southern movement in hip hop. Heated debate surface as people against the southern movement believe their lyrics have no substance and are all beat driven records. This may be true in most cases, but I sincerely believe that the southern movement is hip hop, just a different sector. REAL hip hop consists of the Commons, Lupe Fiascos and Nas' that move more bootlegged units than anyone. The club music based hip hop that consists of the Unks, Soulja Boys and TPains all move there units through ringtones. Yes, there music may have kid-like lines and attract more girls to the dance floor than usual but hip hop is in need of something new and refreshing. Can you imagine going to the strip club and Big Booty Judy is dancing to "American Terrorist" or "One Mic"? NO! So the DJ will continue to play the dance oriented tunes, because it makes the club go off and its the best music to listen to when you are drunk. I guarantee if you have enough shots of vodka or tequila you WILL be yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuling by the end of the night. But seriously, the southern movement isn't a trend or bout to die down soon. And thats jus real talk.
NOTE: I don't support all of it. I can only take it in doses. REAL rap will revive one day. Wale & Cool Kids this Fall!
i-n.
"man its TOO many joints out here" - thump.
One word that scares the shit out of any black man is marriage. The M Word. To us, it means we will never see another va-jay-jay ever again but our wife's. Its very complex, because most of us want to settle down and find that special someone and start that perfect family, but its the fear of having one woman. But fellas, no more worrying, I have found the solution. Due to excessive successful black women emerging through all walks of life as engineers, businesswomen and entrepreneurs (horray!), it seems like the black man has many many options. As expected many of my fellow "brothers" still want to live that thug lifestyle, but hey thats another blog anyway. So that results in a limited supply of young black men who are trying to better themselves. Now for those who are, the selection of females is endless so finding the right woman may be tough. I believe for any man wanting to have that white picket fence and four children with the two car garage they MUST sew their wild oats first. In doing so, every man under the age of 23, trying to better themself has the RIGHT to be a whore and venture out into EVERYTHING. Even though this sounds dangerous and crazy I think it may be worth it, because when its all said and done and your waiting at the end of that aisle and your bride is walking down patiently, you will thank me. I estimate for every guy that fits my criteria to every girl that fits my criteria, we are outnumbered to a 1:10 ratio. But please fellas to every rule there are standards. For one, use a condom. The second is to not get emotional attachment and if you feel emotional attachment from her you need to get out of there ASAP! The last is to actually get to know these females. Even though she let you fuck in a week, she might be wifey. She might have everything you want and you just don't know it yet. If you actually try to get to know these ladies half aren't bad, a few are worth your time and one might even be the ONE. Godspeed goons.
NOTE: Ladies if you live this lifestyle you ARE a whore. Plain and simple. And yes, double standards do exist.
i-n.
"nigga have you seen the uncut Nelly video!" - marley.
In 2007, BET created a forum to talk about the state of hip hop. The panel included intellectuals like Eric Michael Dyson and Rev. Al Sharpton and rap artists like T.I. and Nelly. In heated debates talking about everything from music effecting kids to the language and subjects in songs, the forum seemed to be against hip hop. But one aspect that got shafted in the rear with no vaseline was the state of the hip hop honeys. The forum seemed to believe that most of these girls are individuals who do not respect themselves and just believe they are a piece of meat. But in there defense I am here. I love these women, from there high cheekbones to curvacious bods. These women saved many rappers and video directors careers. Some even lasted longer than most rappers. Now don't get me wrong these women sometimes do portray themselves to be bitches, hoes, sluts and such but wasn't Halle Berry taking backshots from Billy Bob Thornton? And she won an Oscar. To me its all acting and some people can't get around that factor. For years, I worshiped these woman, because as a young adolescent these females are our goddesses and mermaids of TV. In time you have seen the pretty face innocent video chick (Lauren London) to the straight stacked full rib rack bods (Buffy the Body) and all have captured our "minds" at a time. I really appreciate these women. They are more than meets the eye and I really believe they deserve more respect in the game. This post is for you ladies, all of you.
NOTE: Melyssa Ford is the best to ever do it.
i-n.
